


In Which Albus Severus Tries to Hide His Being a Softie with Kidnappings

by TeachUsSomethingPlease



Series: A Hat Dumps the Universe on Its Head [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Slytherins, Harry Potter Next Generation, Humor, Kidnapping, Slice of Life, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachUsSomethingPlease/pseuds/TeachUsSomethingPlease
Summary: "It’s the same old story, every week, and Louis has seen enough variations, from begging to conniving to bribery to blackmail, to know how it goes. Every Saturday James goes knocking on the Slytherin common-room door to beg entry and every week Albus refuses. No matter their arguments, homework, detentions, or responsibilities, they always turn up at the same time, on the same day, one to ask, the other to refuse."A fluffy little one-shot about common rooms. So far as I know, fully canon compliant - including tCC, to my shame.
Relationships: Albus Severus Potter & James Sirius Potter, Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Severus Potter
Series: A Hat Dumps the Universe on Its Head [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904803
Kudos: 27





	In Which Albus Severus Tries to Hide His Being a Softie with Kidnappings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure this isn't crack, but everything I write toes the border nowadays, so who knows. Hope you all enjoy.

“C’mon, Al, let me in. Please?”

“No, James.”

It’s the same old story, every week, and Louis has seen enough variations, from begging to conniving to bribery to blackmail, to know how it goes. Every Saturday James goes knocking on the Slytherin common-room door to beg entry and every week Albus refuses. No matter their arguments, homework, detentions, or responsibilities, they always turn up at the same time, on the same day, one to ask, the other to refuse.

It started off simply enough. James wanted to see the inside of the Slytherin common room. Teddy and Victoire already showed him the inside of Hufflepuff on a night in first year when he was feeling particularly homesick, and he was in the process of breaking into Ravenclaw despite Lucy’s blunt refusal to help him. Slytherin, however, was another matter, and Louis had already made it perfectly clear that James wouldn’t be let in by _his_ hand. Perhaps James expected Albus to yield, James being the elder brother, but as with bedrooms, Albus refused, if a little shaky at first.

“This is the Slytherin common room. You already have one.”

So James came back the next week and asked again.

“No, James. Go back to your tower.”

Sometimes Louis wondered what Aunty Ginny and Uncle Harry were thinking, naming their firstborn after two serial pranksters who were stubborn enough in their causes they had to be forcibly removed from the equation by Voldemort’s best lieutenant and Voldemort himself. Then again, _Maman_ always said the English could be a bit nutty, yes, even his family. In any case, the strength of fixation was a trait James somehow managed to inherit from both his namesakes, and the boy just kept coming back, over and over again. And Albus, with all the patience of the headmaster and none of the irritation of the potions teacher, would simply cross his arms and shake his head. In fact, the only time Louis could think of when one of them hadn’t shown up was when James was in the hospital wing with a bludger injury, and when Albus caught the magical stomach flu. On the first instance, James received a box of candy with the word ‘NO’ scrawled on the inside in magical marker. On the second, James was greeted by a mildly put-out Scorpius Malfoy and the cardboard top off a chocolate box with ‘Bugger off, Jamie’ written in _very_ shaky writing.

Even Albus’s early-teens feud with everyone in his family didn’t stop James showing up, like clockwork, sometimes with Lily in tow, to ask, “Let me in?” Even if they never spoke outside of that moment, Albus would always shake his head.

“No, James. We’re busy charming snakes, and it’s secret. Go back to riding lions, or whatever you do.”

“Aw, please, Al?”

“Yeah, pleeease?”

“No, James, and stop using Lily to guilt trip me.”

Sometimes Louis thought Albus might secretly look forward to the trips. He never did more than casually roll his eyes or cross his arms, leaning against the door. Sometimes his answers would be bland, other times humorous, but never malicious. And even as Albus went through his bumpy phase, he would pace just behind the door to the common rooms, waiting for James to knock. His answers were stiffer, then, but not cold like the rest of his interactions with his family. Awkward jokes were exchanged, odd half-smiles given, and then the status quo reset itself for another week.

By the time Louis graduated, things were bright again and things were back at the stage where Albus could blow a raspberry at his younger sister without it being weird, not that he’d admit to doing it in anyone else’s earshot. NEWT studies were marked with comments on the average size of a Weasley nose, exams with freckly comments and one snake-napping gone horribly wrong (“Look, Lily, it’s not my fault I’m too heavy for you to use as a hostage. Dammit, lady.”), the leadup to graduation with stair abruptly becoming slides and sneaky comments about the Potter hair. Normality, apparently.

British folk were crazy, and what with him being half Brit, things didn’t sound too good for his mental state.

* * *

“Hey, Jamie.”

James glanced up in shock, the voice familiar but entirely out of place. The spitting image of his father was perched on top of a table in the centre of the common room. The _Gryffindor_ common room. “How – what –”

“Lily let me in,” Albus explained casually.

“Traitor,” James muttered under his breath, and Albus chuckled, slipping off the table onto his own two feet.

"C’mon, Jamie, you’ve seen Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, it’s only fair I should get to have a peek in a couple too.”

“But I haven’t been in my house’s historic enemy’s camp!” James cried dramatically. “No thanks to you,” he added, though without much malice.

Albus rolled his eyes. “It’s password protected, you idiot. You just needed to stand out there guessing various Slytherin-related passwords until you got in. They’re set by the prefects, there’s a list they add onto during their terms, and then one gets randomly picked out. Most of them aren’t the most imaginative.”

“Then – what about when the snakes get out and bite me?” James asked.

“Louis made that up to scare you, James. Didn’t he say that when you were in OWL year?”

“I thought he just wanted to get me bitten by an enchanted snake!” James exclaimed. “You’re a bunch of gits, all of you, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s probably because the Giant Squid periodically tries to extend the lake into our sleeping quarters,” Albus said, waving a hand, “But whatever. You didn’t show up last Saturday.”

“I thought you weren’t going to let me in,” James said. “No point, is there?”

“We’ve done this every Saturday for 5 years and there’s no point?” Albus demanded. “You Merlin-be-damned moron, James. Now we don’t have another Saturday.”

“What does – hey!” James yelped, as his younger brother caught hold of his collar and started dragging him out of the room. “I’ve got to pack! Albus, let me go!”

“Nope,” Albus snorted, tightening his grip. “Hey, Lily? I’m kidnapping James. If you want him back, you owe Slytherin a large banner that says we’re the best house. Bye now.”

"Hang on, what -"

"Mobilicorpus James."

"ALBUS!"

* * *

“This is not what I expected this place to be like,” James mumbled. “Did you have to tie me up?”

“Yes,” Albus replied.

“No, but he’s actually a nasty little bugger,” Scorpius corrected. “And what did you think our common room would be like?”

“I thought there would be more snakes.”

“Is that all? We can conjure some snakes for you, really, it’s no trouble,” Albus said.

“No thanks,” James muttered. “Is that a merman?”

“Sometimes the children come down and make rude signs at the second years,” Scorpius said blandly. “Somebody taught them a few years back.”

“That somebody was you,” Albus pointed out.

“You taught the… I regret everything, trying to get in here was a bad idea. You’re all insane.”

“Funny, we say the same thing about you,” Scorpius smirked.

“Your password includes a swear word.”

“Louis’s fault,” Albus said with a snort. “He left behind a… questionable legacy. We have an entire day marked on the calendar called ‘We’re better than you day’ where the first years practice their superiority.”

“Speaking of first years, they’re staring,” Scorpius said blandly.

James blinked around spun around to see a small group of smaller people blinking curiously at the scene. “Why is there a Gryffindor tied to a chair?” one of them asked.

“Albus decided it was a good idea to hold him to ransom,” Scorpius explained.

“And if you don’t cut the sarcasm, I’m going to hug you so hard your organs rearrange themselves,” Albus threatened.

Scorpius put his hands up in a gesture of defeat.

“You’re weird,” one of the first years commented.

“If you haven’t worked that out in a whole year of being here, it’s time to move to Hufflepuff,” Albus told him. “Or Gryffindor.”

The young student blinked, then seemed to genuinely weigh up his options.

“Can you at least give me my wand back?”

“No. You can have a quill and parchment to write a ‘help me’ note, though.”

“Git.”

“You know it.

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely links in with _How to Destroy a Castle_ and _The Adventures of Sports-Shoe and Jim,_ but doesn't necessarily occur in the same universe. For narrative purposes, I always portray the Next Generation with the same traits and defining features, so my version of Louis will always be haughty one moment and foul-mouthed the next, my version of James will always be determined to cause problems, my version of Victoire will always be randomly mothering James for no real reason other than _he's my best friend apart from Teddy, and I'm dating Teddy so he doesn't count_.  
> So there you go. How James got to see one more common room than his father, and why Slytherin has a massive "Snakes Rock" banner made out of a red sheet.


End file.
